Day 9 – The rollercoaster continues

Today was my day 9 scan to see if the last two nights of injections have been able to jump start a party in my ovaries. Turns out they did! A very big party in fact. I’ve gone from having a couple of follicles at the 6-7mm range to having 9 follicles in the 8-10mm range. My uterus lining has begun to thicken slightly too. At first I was super happy that the medication was working and then Dr K took me into his office for a chat. As he expected I’ve reacted extremely well to the medicine but I’m going to be very difficult to control and I’ll require almost daily ultrasounds. He is keeping me on 112.5 IU for the Gonal F injection tonight as he still wants my follicles to grow more, but this level may be decreased as soon as tomorrow as he doesn’t want to over stimulate me. He is trying to get 3 or 4 follicles to over 17-20mm.

I know that I should be elated the medication is working but the moment I left his office I just had this terrible feeling of dread. I think it came from the fact that he told me that he understands because of my age that I don’t want to jump headfirst into IVF, I’ve got time on my side, but that might be the best option for me. Its just a lot to process. Two months ago I didn’t even know anything was wrong with me. I’m a big crier and the second I walked through the door and saw Sam the floodgates opened. A problem shared is definitely a problem halved for me. I’m terrified I over stimulate and the cycle has to be cancelled, I’m terrified we make it through but we don’t manage to fertilise an egg, I’m terrified of what the future holds in terms of IVF. It all just feels completely out of hands and there is nothing I can do about it.

On a side note, at my appointment today a couple were there with their baby. I really don’t know how I feel about it. I do think its insensitive to bring a baby to a fertility clinic but I understand that I can’t be sheltered from babies and the parents may have had no other option. It just really annoyed me that instead of having the baby facing its parents, and therefore not all the other people in the waiting room, the baby was faced outward in its buggy and was pretty much the first thing you saw when you walked into the waiting room. Rant over.


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