Infertility

Day 12 – It’s all over

My day 11 ultrasound was not promising. Dr K found a bunch of follicles that were in the 15/16mm threshold. He said it was highly likely the cycle was going to get cancelled, not to do anymore Gonal F injections. I  had over responded and was going to be a very difficult patient to control. I came home and sobbed for a good hour. I didn’t even allow myself to hope at all that we would be able to move forward, it just seemed easier to accept defeat on this rather than have my hopes dashed yet again the following day.

On day 12 I headed to Dr K’s office for an ultrasound. I had 14 follicles over 16mm and 4 or 5 over 17mm. There was even one at 21mm. Fuck fuck fuck. The cycle was cancelled and I’ve been told no intercourse for the next week. I’ve had to take Leuprolide Acetate to trigger ovulation. I’m at real risk of ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome, and Dr K said taking this drug reduces that chance to zero.  Thank goodness, really don’t fancy a trip to the hospital to deal with that. On day 3 of my period I’ve to start taking birth control for 2 or 3 weeks in order to shrink the follicles as those bad boys are still going to be nice and big. It’s just so defeating. I hate the idea of having to take birth control as its going to stop any chance of a little miracle occurring and me being one of those ‘we stopped trying and it just happened’ stories. I do wonder though, does anyone ever really stop trying? I feel its always going to be at least in the back on my mind. We aren’t going to start the next cycle until January in order to give my body a break and get our finances together which have taken a bit of a beating during this.

Dr K says I’m a great candidate for IVF but I’m just not mentally able to picture us doing that yet. I still want to believe I have some hope of doing this the old-fashioned way (plus a ton of drugs and injections). A girl can dream.

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