Infertility

A year in review

In a few days it will be a year to the day since Sam and I decided to try for a baby. The fact that I do not have a little baby to hold in my arms or are anywhere near close to getting one is painful. In terms of many ladies trying to conceive journeys this is still early days, I am acutely aware of that. But for the majority it isn’t, 85% of women who started trying to conceive when I did have done so (according to the NHS).

What can I say about the last year? There have been some wonderful highs and some terrible lows. Here comes the list:

Highs

  • Career change has made me happier than I thought I could be in a job
  • Sam and I have taken amazing trips
  • Family and friends time
  • Moving house
  • Becoming a better cook

Lows

  • Becoming consumed with trying to conceive
  • PCOS diagnosis
  • Coming to terms with being deemed infertile
  • Too many hours spent crying to count
  • Doctors visits
  • Medical procedures
  • Hope being drained
  • Faking smiles when yet another person I know is pregnant but holding back tears
  • Feeling lost and helpless
  • Feeling like a failure

So what for the next year to come? I haven’t lost hope that at some point, who knows how many years from now, Sam and I will get our little miracle. In the meantime, I’m going to do my best to stick to my new years resolution and get out more. Start saying more yes’ to invitations and new experiences. Hoping for my baby will always be at the back of my mind but I’m trying my upmost to do things that make me happy day-to-day. With that, I’m off to bake some honey cookies.

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